hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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