We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
