We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
