just come out here and I will go home with you...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
