Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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