You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
