I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am midnight drunk by noon
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
