Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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