Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
