you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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