The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
