i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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