"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
