Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
