I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize