I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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