Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
