From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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