Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
