y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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