Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
