So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
