The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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