I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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