I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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