She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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