i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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