just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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