I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
