Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
