Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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