i just wanna soil my oats bro
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
