My brain says no but my pants say off.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
