whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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