remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
