Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
