TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
