Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
