and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
