Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
