She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
