Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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