this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
