I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
