I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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