I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
