On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
