so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize