I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
