Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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