party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
