my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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