there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
