I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
