I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
