oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
