i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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