I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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