I skipped work to stalk him.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize