wanna go halves on a baby?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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