All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
