fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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