I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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