i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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