My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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