she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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