did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
