: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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