you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize