sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
