i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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