I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
