I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
