If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My ass is underappreciated
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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