I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will be naked everywhere
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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