Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize