i think my tv is drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
