Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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