I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
