What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
