Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
