Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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